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By Tim Elmore
When my two kids turned 12, my wife and I initiated a special two-year journey that would become a “rite of passage” for them—an experience that would offer vision for what life could look like for them as an adult. We took them on special trips, introduced them to mentors, gave them symbolic gifts, and celebrated the upcoming opportunity to take their place in the world.
Perhaps you’ve practiced your own version of this rite of passage.
Every teacher, school administrator, coach, youth leader, and parent I know wants to help their kids prepare for the life that awaits them as an adult. We want them ready to embark on a career after graduation with a sense of self-assured confidence, to see the big picture, and to bet on themselves as they enter job interviews. Believe it or not, there are populations of Americans who share this desire for their young and can teach us a thing or two.
A Surprising Group to Learn From
After several trips to Lancaster, Pennsylvania and Elkhart, Indiana, I stumbled across some great lessons from the Amish about how they prepare their youth for adulthood. The Amish have developed some valuable traditions for us to learn from. While I knew their history, I didn’t realize how they prepared their young for what’s ahead. Here are a few of the traditions I noticed below.
Work is part of their educational preparation. The Amish recognize the value of both book smarts and street smarts. Their children are required to attend school until they’re 14 years old. After that, they can choose to continue their education or start working. Some Amish children choose to go to college, but this isn’t common. Most Amish children finish their education after eighth grade. Their community considers real-life work experience as part of the rite of passage into adulthood. While I believe in formal education, I believe work should be part of kids’ maturation. Taking them from a classroom to a workplace as a teen eases them into adulthood.
Exploring boundaries is part of the experience. The Amish recognize that adolescents naturally test boundaries and must embrace their own identity. Most of their communities practice “rumspringa,” which is a German term meaning “to run around.” It generally occurs between 16-24 years old when teens are permitted and even encouraged to explore otherwise forbidden or strictly regulated behaviors before making the choice to commit to the church or to leave the community. They investigate the outside world to figure out who they are. Knowing adolescence is a time to ask questions and own their own decisions, the Amish empower them to do just that. When they return, it’s their decision, not their parents,’ and it ultimately solidifies their place as adults in the community.
A celebration leads them to courtship and marriage. The Amish acknowledge the human spirit and the hunger to celebrate in their teen years. Contrary to common belief, Amish teenagers aren’t deprived of the joys and adventures typical of their peers. The elders within the Amish community possess a deep understanding of the teenage spirit. So before transitioning to full-fledged adulthood, these Amish teens enjoy a celebration to explore the outside world and even romance without fear of reprisal from elders. Courtship unfolds, however, within a unique framework—all dates occur in public spaces, ensuring that intimacy remains on hold until the sacred bonds of marriage are formed.
Entering a marriage covenant is a family affair. The Amish believe most of us want to find a partner and marry into a family, not just a person. Once the church has given its blessing, an elaborate ceremony culminates in wedded bliss within the Amish community, and another celebration ensues. To kickstart the honeymoon, the couple embarks on an unusual but cherished tradition: their first night together is spent at the bride’s parents’ home. The following morning, the couple embarks on a unique ritual: cleaning the house. This act symbolizes their appreciation and respect for their families. Then, they embark on a journey of visiting various relatives, hopping from one house to another. Only after this process do the newlyweds finally enjoy their first night together alone.
Maturity means taking your place in the larger community. The Amish are convinced every individual must engage in humanity’s social contract. No one is an island. Within Amish communities, the ethos of sharing and caring takes center stage. They embody this attitude through collective endeavors like barn-raising events and grand potluck gatherings. These events bring everyone together, with each community member contributing a dish, creating a time for spirited social interaction. The Amish community thrives on the bedrock of unwavering solidarity and mutual support. Constructing barns for fellow members in need becomes a rallying point, drawing active participation from every member.
America has typically celebrated independence and a rugged individual spirit. However, genuine maturity means embracing humanity’s social contract--being exactly who you are, yet finding your place and belonging to a larger community. I believe we should borrow a page from the Amish playbook when it comes to preparing our kids for real life. What translates for you?
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By Andrew McPeak
Can you remember back to the greatest gift you’ve ever opened on a holiday? My own epic memory brings a smile to my face.
I remember begging my dad for a video iPod (hello, early 2000s). The problem with my begging was that it occurred in the month of October — a very long time from December 25th. By the time I opened my gift nearly three months later, the anticipation had bubbled into euphoria. The months of waiting made the joy of the moment so much greater. Looking back, I can’t help but wonder if it wasn’t the fact that I had to wait so long that made that moment so good. Sadly, I think many kids growing up today are missing out on the joy of waiting for something they really want.
A recentToday.com survey found that 60 percent of parents “reported that their kids were “maybe a little spoiled,” while 32 percent responded that their kids were “spoiled rotten.” It seems that what has traditionally been known as a “season of giving” has instead become a season of “giving much” and “giving in.” So, what’s a parent to do? I think we need to let our kids do a little more waiting this holiday season.
Two Truths About Waiting Waiting may seem foreign to us today, but it shouldn’t be. After all, the word “advent” literally means “coming” or “preparation.” This is the season of waiting, and if we lean into that season we will discover many benefits — both for us and for our kids. Here are two truths about waiting that should be good reminders in these final days of the holiday season.
1. In Waiting, We Find Growth Both common sense andscience point to “liminal” (transitional) spaces as the places of greatest growth and development. When we achieve the objects of our desire immediately, we miss out on the experience of thinking, stretching, and, ultimately, growing that could have otherwise occurred. Waiting gives us space to stop and ask ourselves very helpful questions like, “Why do I want that?” “How will this make my life better?” or “Why am I so impatient?” One of the easiest ways to create a liminal (or “between”) space for your kids is by simply requiring them to wait before getting what they want. The space of time between desire and fulfillment is where all of the best stuff happens to them on the inside. I once heard author Jeff Henderson sum it up like this: “Discomfort is the price for growth.”
2. In Waiting, We Find Joy Inan essay I wrote earlier this year on the subject of waiting, I challenged the underlying assumption of the consumeristic mindset by pointing out that the “achievement of desire rarely leads to its fulfillment.” In fact,multiple studies have shown that we get dopamine hits from “anticipating a reward” rather than actually receiving the reward itself. This is why peak excitement on Christmas morning comes as our children are opening a present, not while they are playing with it. Here is the blunt truth for parents: there is no present you can buy that will make your kids happier in the long run. True joy is found in helping our kids learn to make the most of what they have — and learning to enjoy each season for what it is.
In the final days of this holiday season, remind your kids the next time they complain about how long it’s taking to bake the cookies, to drive to a family gathering, or to open a present, that — as hard as it may be — waiting is a good thing.
The post A Reminder for the Season: Waiting Is a Good Thing appeared first on Growing Leaders. via Growing Leaders https://ift.tt/gdDaIxl In the complex and dynamic business world, leadership is not just about making strategic decisions or managing teams; it’s also about understanding people and their emotions. This is where emotional intelligence (EQ) comes into play. Emotional intelligence, often touted as a key leadership trait, encompasses the ability to recognize, understand, manage, and effectively use emotions, both your own and others. In business leadership, EQ is not just an asset; it’s a powerful tool that can transform how leaders navigate challenges, build relationships, and foster a positive work environment.
Leaders with high emotional intelligence are empathetic. They can put themselves in others’ shoes, understanding their perspectives and feelings. This ability is crucial in making decisions that consider the well-being of employees, clients, and stakeholders. Empathetic leaders can address concerns effectively, creating a supportive and inclusive workplace.
Emotionally intelligent leaders possess a strong sense of self-awareness. They understand their own emotions, strengths, and weaknesses. This self-awareness enables them to regulate their emotions, especially in high-pressure situations. By managing their feelings, they can maintain composure, make rational decisions, and respond thoughtfully, even in challenging circumstances.
Communication is at the heart of effective leadership. Emotionally intelligent leaders are adept communicators. They listen actively, paying attention not only to the words being said but also to the underlying emotions. This deep listening fosters trust and strengthens interpersonal relationships. Moreover, emotionally intelligent leaders can convey their ideas and expectations clearly and empathetically, ensuring their messages resonate with their teams.
Conflicts are inevitable in any workplace. Emotionally intelligent leaders excel in resolving conflicts. They approach conflicts with a calm and understanding demeanor, facilitating open dialogue between parties. By addressing the underlying emotions and concerns, they can find mutually beneficial solutions, turning conflicts into opportunities for growth and improved collaboration.
Leaders with high emotional intelligence excel in building cohesive and motivated teams. They understand the strengths and weaknesses of team members, allowing them to assign tasks effectively. Emotionally intelligent leaders boost morale and motivation by acknowledging and appreciating their team’s efforts. They inspire their teams by setting an example of positive attitude and resilience.
Emotionally intelligent leaders are adaptable and resilient in the face of challenges. They can navigate change with grace, inspiring confidence in their teams. By managing their own emotions and encouraging a positive outlook, they create an environment where employees are more likely to embrace change and challenges. via Adam Berman Attorney | Business & Development https://ift.tt/gPfqYbj In recent years, there has been a significant shift in the real estate industry towards more sustainable practices. Sustainable real estate development, or green building or eco-friendly development, involves constructing buildings in an environmentally responsible and resource-efficient manner. This approach offers numerous benefits, not just for the environment but also for developers, investors, and communities.
One of the primary benefits of sustainable real estate development is its positive impact on the environment. Green buildings are designed to reduce their ecological footprint by conserving energy, water, and other resources. They often incorporate renewable energy sources like solar panels and utilize energy-efficient appliances and fixtures. Additionally, sustainable buildings focus on reducing waste and using eco-friendly construction materials, thereby conserving natural resources and promoting environmental sustainability.
Sustainable buildings are highly energy-efficient, utilizing innovative technologies to reduce energy consumption. This results in lower utility bills for residential and commercial tenants, making these properties financially attractive. Over time, the energy savings can significantly offset the initial investment in sustainable features, providing substantial cost savings for occupants.
Sustainable buildings often prioritize the health and well-being of occupants. They utilize materials with low volatile organic compounds (VOCs), improving indoor air quality. Additionally, these buildings are designed to maximize natural light, creating a healthier and more comfortable living or working environment. Studies have shown that green building occupants report higher satisfaction and productivity.
Sustainable features enhance a property’s market value. As eco-consciousness becomes more prevalent among buyers and tenants, properties with green certifications or energy-efficient features are in high demand. Sustainable real estate development ensures a competitive edge in the market, attracting environmentally conscious investors and tenants, which can lead to higher rental and resale values.
Sustainable real estate development is focused on long-term sustainability. Green buildings are designed to withstand the test of time, requiring fewer repairs and renovations. Moreover, the focus on renewable energy sources ensures a continuous and sustainable energy supply, reducing the property’s dependence on conventional, often depleting, resources.
Sustainable real estate development positively impacts local communities. By conserving resources, reducing pollution, and improving overall quality of life, these projects contribute to a healthier and more sustainable community. They often create job opportunities, stimulate local economies, and serve as role models for future development projects. via Adam Berman Attorney | Real Estate https://ift.tt/fJOARo8 By Tim Elmore
I once taught a classroom of students with a wide variety of personalities. Some were loud; others were quiet. There were some who were completely engaged, even excited to be there. Then, there were a few who every teacher dreads having in their classroom.
I was leading these high schoolers on a project that involved a field trip and a debriefing time. It was quite intriguing. How some could remain so unmotivated was beyond me. I don’t think a stick of dynamite could move them. No doubt, adolescence is a stage of life where this kind of disengagement is common. Many just can’t get inspired by an adult.
When grades were given, the disengaged students did as I expected… They didn’t engage, nor could they articulate what they’d learned or how the experience impacted them. What’s more, they didn’t seem to care. Their grade meant little to them.
Motivating an apathetic student can be emotionally expensive.
What the Research Tells Us If you were to ask me what’s most motivating for students in a classroom, I would have guessed a passionate and motivated teacher. While that’s important, it’s not what students said was most motivating according to a nationwide survey conducted with 1,011 students ages 13-19. Out of 20 options, the number one response was:
A second chance.
Yep. “Give me another opportunity to try.” This is among the findings of surveys of teenagers and educators conducted by the EdWeek Research Center on student motivation and engagement. Reflect on what it reveals to us from a behavioral science perspective. First, kids are saying they get motivated when assignments are returned with feedback on how to improve, and, second, we actually give them a chance to perform better. The feedback clarifies what the teacher was looking for, and the opportunity to redo the project communicates belief in them—that we have faith they can do better.
Benny’s teacher, Suzy, begged her principal for more time to help him get through her course. Benny needed help with his focus. He was a classic profile of a troubled child, growing up in a broken home, which gave him poor odds of succeeding at school. But she wanted to show Benny the power of a second chance with a teacher who believed in him.
Suzy’s principal reluctantly agreed to give her (and Benny) a few more months as part of an experiment. Within a month, Benny stopped bringing drugs to school and began to buckle down and redo his assignments. Suzy saw progress. Unfortunately, when she had to leave town later that semester to resolve a family issue, she questioned if she’d made the right decision. Suzy heard that Benny had been expelled from school for a lapse in behavior. Ugh. Maybe that “second chance” stuff wasn’t such a good idea after all.
The following year, Suzy was shopping downtown and spotted Benny with what appeared to be a group of at-risk teens who had tattoos and piercings, spiked hair, baggy pants, chains, and tank tops. They were laughing noisily, seemingly without a care in the world. Suzy’s heart sank as her fears seemed realized. Benny was hanging around kids who appeared less mature than he was. Suddenly, Benny spotted her, but instead of ignoring her, he trotted over to his former teacher. “Ms. Suzy,” he said. “I was just talking about you.”
“You were?”
It turns out Suzy’s worst fears were not realized after all. Benny had returned to school and graduated, then signed up to help younger kids like him stay engaged at school and finish as well. Benny told Suzy it was her belief in him, which played out in a second chance, that sparked a different narrative inside of him. Consider second chance programs in incarceration facilities. Prison education programs and the Second Chance Pell program increase access to higher education. They’ve concluded when we don’t give students a second chance, those students can develop a self-narrative that they don’t deserve better, that they are losers; and they become more likely to commit crimes and derail. Bottom line? A teacher, coach, parent, or administrator plays a role in the sense of identity our students cultivate.
When I was in college, a story circulated around the campus about a student named Mark. I’ll never forget how it moved me. Mark was a troublemaker on campus, always finding new ways to break the rules and the student behavior code. He was disciplined several times, and even suspended, but to no avail. He was a rebel. Finally, Mark was called to President Roberts’ office, where he met with him, the dean, and the provost. They planned to expel him. It was at that point the gravity of his conduct hit Mark. He pleaded to stay in school, citing how his parents would never forgive him for an expulsion.
The discussion continued for an hour until President Roberts made an executive decision. He told Mark that if he continued to attend class and make good grades without another incident, he could stay and earn his degree. Mark was elated. Then, the dean reminded President Roberts that the policy handbook required a fine to be paid in such cases. President Roberts looked Mark sternly in the eye and told him he must pay $20 by the end of the day. (This took place fifty years ago.)
The fine was more than fair, but as Mark left the office, he recalled he didn’t have a dime to his name, and he’d lost his friends. He wandered the campus, musing how he could find the money. It was then that he heard the footsteps of someone behind him, coming closer and closer. They were deliberate. Mark stepped to one side to let this person pass. Suddenly, an arm reached over Mark’s shoulder, stuffed something into his pocket, and kept walking, never turning back. Mark looked inside his pocket and there was his answer: a $20 bill. When he looked up to see who had jammed it into his pocket, he recognized it was President Roberts.
I simply remind you today of the power of second chances. Poor performing students often face struggles and desperately need a new narrative that comes from a second chance.
The post What Students Say Will Motivate Them the Most appeared first on Growing Leaders. via Growing Leaders https://ift.tt/dGnivMQ By Tim Elmore
Back in 2006, musician John Mayer released a song for millions of twenty-first century young adults. It was called, “Waiting on the World to Change.”
While the tempo is upbeat and cheerful, the lyrics represent a melancholy, even despondent mood. They express a powerlessness to make any difference; that the power lies with “the man.” So, our job, Mayer notes, is to wait for the needed change. Instead of taking charge of our lives, we’re encouraged to just wait for external change to happen.
This may explain the cynical, even jaded, mood of millions from Generation Z.
A Shift in Culture Over the last sixty years, young people have slowly drifted toward this mindset. Research psychologist, Dr. Julian Rotter, created a scale to measure whether graduates were entering their careers with an external or internal locus of control. Here’s what he measured:
Interestingly, nine years into his research, Dr. Rotter discovered that those who maintain an internal locus of control become measurably more successful in life. They take better care of their health and fitness, their marriage and family, their job and career. It makes sense. If we believe our success is up to us, we take ownership of our behavior and attitude. This is good news. The bad news, however, is sobering. Since Julian Rotter first administered these evaluations in 1954, students have shifted toward an external locus of control. They’re looking outward to someone else to ensure their success—mom, dad, employer, counselor, or coach.
We can only assume why this might be. Perhaps students are scared or uncertain about life. It might be that they’re simply overwhelmed. Maybe they think no one is really in control. This, however, leads to feeling like someone else owes you.
Are We Benchwarmers? Consider this: We approach life either as players in the game or substitutes on the bench. Athletes feel something completely different based on whether they are in the competition or on the bench during a tough game. From the bench, you can yell and scream, stand up, or squeeze a towel in your hands, but that’s it. You can’t directly impact the outcome when you’re not actually playing. It’s only when you’re in the game, playing, that you feel different.
The key shifts we must help students make to return to an internal locus of control are:
They must stop looking at externals that may go wrong. That’s not in their control. Life will give us lemons, as they say. Where students must focus is how they perceive it all, concentrating on their responses to the lemons, not the lemons themselves. That’s in their control. Once they nail their perception of life, maintaining a “control the controllable” mindset, life gets better.
Next, they must act in response to that internal mindset.
Arthur Brooks, one of my favorite authors, recently released a book called Build the Life You Want. In it, he tells the story of his mother-in-law who, at age 93, was one of the happiest people he’d ever known. Her name was Alpina, and she lived in her room alone, impoverished, and dying after a long life. But she was happy. The reason? Somehow, at age 45, “she stopped waiting for the world to change and took control of her life.”
How Do We Do This? First, Alpina began to look for decisions in her life where once there were only impositions. For example, Alpina once felt she was stuck in a bad job at a pitiful company. Then she awakened to the fact that she’d been CEO all along. She couldn’t snap her fingers and all would be perfect, but she had power over her own life wherever it was, embracing an internal locus of control.
Second, she took action based on that realization. She switched from wishing others were different to working on the one person she could control: herself. The choices she made, not her feelings at the time, led her to transform less productive emotions into positive ones like humor, gratitude, hope, and compassion. Happiness was not a chase but a choice.
Third, managing herself freed Alpina to focus on the foundations on which she could construct a much better life: her family, her friendships, her work, and her faith. Instead of numbing the pain anyone can feel inside, these types of people think and act differently. Oprah Winfrey calls them the “people who have every reason to be unhappy and yet are not.” They’re the “lemonade-making, silver-linings-finding, bright-side-looking, glass-half-fullers.”
This completely removes the chore of waiting for the world to change.
Want a resource that highlights how kids can change their worlds? Growing Leaders and Maxwell Publishing launched a collection of stories called I Can’t Wait: 52 Stories of Kids Who Changed Their World…That You Can Discuss Together. These short stories make up 52 chapters, one a week for an entire year. They’re perfect for class time, dinnertime, or bedtime. They include discussion questions and a link to a video about the young person in that chapter. To be honest, I can’t wait to put this book in your hands to better launch conversations at dinnertime, bedtime, or in the classroom. They will engage and inspire the kids near you. This could be a great gift during the holidays. To learn more about this amazing resource, visit icantwaitbook.com.
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